“What do I do about my boss who is disrespectful and not supportive?” I could see the pain and misery on her face as she asked this question.
She feels singled out, picked on. No matter how effort much she puts in, it’s never appreciated, always criticized. Her confidence and morale have plummeted.
I told her to transfer elsewhere in the company or quit.
She was surprised. Wasn’t there anything she could do to work on the relationship?
I asked if she perceived that she, herself, might be the problem. She didn’t. “Then I recommend you leave as soon as possible.”
I get the desire to fix it and make things better, but here’s the thing. We can change roles and goals and culture and expectations, but we can’t fundamentally change people.
I’ve known people who have tried for months or years to make the relationship better. They’re the only ones trying, though. The relationship cannot improve if only one side makes the effort.
There are only 2 situations where I will consistently and strongly state the effort is not worth it.
- You have a horrible boss
- You are being sexually harassed (which if you can speak out about it and report it, do it. But then leave.)
In my experience and in those of many other women I’ve worked with, both will set you back in your career and for what?
The purpose of this post is to spare you the time and mental anguish if you’re going through it and wondering what to do about it.
Life is too short to be miserable at work.